


Know How It Feels

by BurntKloverfield



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Everyone feels like they're failures, F/M, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost Padmé Amidala, Force Ghosts, Force conversation, angsty Luke, pre The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:52:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntKloverfield/pseuds/BurntKloverfield
Summary: Luke Skywalker has pushed Rey away, fearful of what she will become. Rey is lost and doesn't know what to do. Kylo Ren knows how she feels.





	1. Cold and Damp

Rey stared at the ceiling and listened to the rain beating down on the top of the Millennium Falcon. She had spent quite a bit of time in the rain, but now she was cold and alone and damp and lost. She had been certain that Luke Skywalker would help her to become a full fledged Jedi, or at least train her how to control her powers. Instead, he had become terrified and refused to tutor her at all. She still had Chewie, and Finn was still her first and best friend, and BB-8 was still important to her, though the droid was Force knows where with Poe Dameron, but her newfound friends did not give her a path forward. She had never thought about what she would become. She had been certain that she would know who she was once her family returned for her. After the Force awakened within her, she had thought that the legendary Luke Skywalker would give her a place and a purpose. There was no such hope. She had been cast away. She felt the pain of it all twist her soul, and she curled into a ball, letting herself cry, keeping it quiet so she wouldn’t disturb Chewbacca or R2.

There was a sudden wave of turmoil through her, making her gasp. Her eyes flew open as wave after wave of icy pain, so similar to her own, flushed through her. She pushed it away, trying to calm herself, and a low voice spoke to her, pulling the icy pain away from her.

‘I’m sorry. I know what you feel.’

“Get out of my head,” she growled aloud, wiping her face. 

‘I failed him, too.’

“Get out.”

‘I don’t want you to hurt.’

That caught her. She pulled the thin blanket over her. ‘But you will hurt me and my friends.’

‘We’re in a war, Rey.’

‘Then why am I so special? Why not kill me when you had the chance? Why not just get rid of your enemy?’ Her stomach turned, and she felt more tears on her cheeks.

‘You’re not…We shouldn’t be enemies.’

‘You won’t be my teacher.’

‘If Luke Skywalker will not teach you, you have no other choice.’

Rey gave no reply, but she shivered.

‘Did you like the rain?’

‘Very much.’

‘Are you dry?’

‘No.’

‘You’ll get sick.’

‘Why do you care?’

‘You’re like me, alone. Desperate to sleep. To be rid of the pain.’

Rey’s tears returned in full force.

‘Rey, get warm. Get dry. I’m coming for you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some exposition. We'll see where this goes.


	2. Kidnapped

Rey didn’t know what she was doing. Rey didn’t know why. All she knew was that Kylo Ren was coming for her. She had changed her clothes and was eating something she had heated up from the rations in the Falcon. She shivered and tried to stay numb for the moment.

Chewbacca’s sleepy growl greeted her.

“I’m fine, Chewbacca. Just hungry.” 

A few whines in reply, and the wookie left her to her own devices.

She remembered the reunion between him and Luke. It was strange. Chewie had stood outside the Millennium Falcon as she and Luke Skywalker hiked down to the ship. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she knew she hadn’t expected the wookie to shout at the Jedi. She knew that she hadn’t expected Luke to cry. She knew she hadn’t expected to hear Luke tell Chewie, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save Han.” Chewie had growled at him and retreated back into the Falcon, leaving her and the Jedi Master alone with R2-D2 whistling sadly. 

‘I’m above the planet, Sweetheart.’

‘Don’t call me sweetheart.’

‘I’ll be down soon.’

Rey shoved the rest of her food into her mouth and turned to retrieve her things from the bunk. Luke Skywalker stood ominously in the doorway.

“You brought him here.” Luke wasn’t asking.

“You don’t want me here.”

“I can’t let you leave with him.”

“You don’t want me. Why do you care?”

“I have caused the Galaxy too much harm already. You will cause too much more.” Luke reached out his hand, and Rey felt the deep dark of unconsciousness sweep over her. 

Luke held her with the force, and he guided her form back to her bunk. He mindlessly walked the Millennium Falcon corridors. It had been so long since he had been on this ship, but he had spent so much time aboard that he felt like it was home. He found himself alone in the cockpit. It was dark and quiet. He flipped a switch, and it came to life. 

“Let’s get you away from here."


	3. Coming Home

The moment Kylo Ren lost Rey’s Force signature, he knew something had gone wrong. He reached out, grasping for any hint of what had happened. He had felt no disturbance so she wasn’t dead. He cut through the atmosphere in his ship, scanning the rain clouds and horizon for land. Any force signatures here were thickly blocked. A flash of light lit up the sky, and a hole in the clouds began to form back together. Anger rose in Kylo’s chest as he spun his ship around, racing after the ship he knew had jumped straight to hyperspace. 

 

“Help me find them, Grandfather,” he whispered. “Don’t let me lose the only person who knows what I’m going through.”

 

* * *

Leia was on the launchpad when the Millennium Falcon touched down. The ramp lowered, and Luke Skywalker strode down, waiting for Leia to react to his return. 

 

Chewbacca followed behind him, cradling a still unconscious Rey in his arms. 

 

Leia’s eyes went wide at the sight, but Luke held out a calming hand. She nodded but then surged forward to hug her twin. 

 

Words had grown more sparse between them as they grew older, not because they had less to talk about or a strained relationship, but because they both grew stronger and stronger in the Force. There was hardly ever a necessity for them to truly speak to each other. It drove everyone around them mad.

 

“Rey!”

 

Leia groaned and turned to calm the young man now hurtling towards Rey in the wookie’s arms. “She’s alright, Finn. She’s just asleep.”

 

Finn pointed at Chewbacca, opening his mouth to protest, but he caught sight of the old man, and his arm dropped to his side. “You’re Luke Skywalker. It’s an honor, Master Skywalker. I’m glad that you’re here to help us win this war—“

 

“I want nothing to do with this war.” Luke glowered at Finn, then looked back to Leia. “Keep Rey here. She’s safe here. Don’t let her leave this base. Kylo Ren wants her.”

 

Leia’s eyes grew sad. “Do you think he’ll ever come back to us?”

 

Luke softened and pulled Leia back into a hug. “I’m sorry I’ve failed you."

 

She buried her face in his robes, and Chewbacca expertly shepherded R2-D2 and Finn into the base to let the twins share a moment they so desperately needed.


	4. There’s Still Hope

Luke stared out over the Resistance Base, mech hand to his chin, hood over his head. He made sure to stay away from prying eyes and curious onlookers and excited fans who were far too young to remember a time where the famed Jedi Master Luke Skywalker took down entire Star Destroyers simply by the Force. He knew it was time to fix what he had let run amok throughout the galaxy.            

 

“I must destroy Kylo Ren like I destroyed Darth Vader.”

 

“I don’t know if you really saved him, Luke,” Leia sighed behind him. “No one does. Except you. I...” She trailed, folding her arms. Her experiences with Darth Vader were so long ago, but she still carried that hatred of the monster beneath the mask that would have killed her, that destroyed her home. It only brought pain and sorrow to see her beloved son idolize a being who had brought so much chaos to the galaxy. 

 

“You don’t have to forgive him.”

 

“My son or your father?”

 

Luke turned to look at her properly. “You’ve forgiven Ben already.”

 

“I hope Han pushed him in the right direction. He told me he’d bring him home.”

 

Luke’s face grew stoic, and he moved to leave, but he paused when he grew even with her. He set his hand on her shoulder. “Remember what you feel for Anakin Skywalker. That is what the galaxy feels for your son.”

 

Pure rage fueled the slap that stung Luke’s cheek. “How dare you,” she growled. “You’ve been gone for years, run away to your forsaken backwater planet, leaving the rest of us to try to pick up the pieces you let fall. You may have lost hope, but I have not lost mine.” She left him alone with his stinging cheek and inner turmoil. 


	5. Master and Servant

‘Come to me, my apprentice,’ the low rumble rolled through Kylo’s mind. This voice had always been at the edges of his conscience since he could remember, but he knew now that Supreme Leader Snoke was a tangible being. He knew Snoke cared for him. He knew he belonged to Snoke.

‘Coming, Supreme Leader,’ Kylo replied instantaneously.

At that moment, he had been too preoccupied with his goal too properly shield his thoughts when replying. The Scavenger’s face had held solid in his mind’s eye since he had first encountered her. That moment was all Snoke needed.   
Pain, like lightning, coursed through him, causing Kylo Ren to spasm, loosing control of his ship.

‘COMPASSION.’ Snoke’s force communication was nearly physically audible to the apprentice. ‘Compassion for her! It will be your downfall!’

“Yes master,” Kylo whispered, shaking. A tear found its way beneath the bactastrip on his cheek, stinging the wound.

‘Come, Master of the Knights of Ren. We will decide your fate.’

The presence receded, leaving Kylo trembling from the onslaught. His mind was suddenly clear, like a stream of light from a window into a dusty room. He could breathe. His trembling calmed. Peace. It had been so long since he had felt peace. The light. The pull to the light. He wanted it so bad. Another tear found its way into his saber burn. He gasped at the stinging.

He halted his ship, and rubbed his face. “Grandfather,” he pleaded to the force. “I can’t go back to Snoke.”

“Are you ready to listen?”

The voice shocked him, and he searched for the source. Right behind him, in the second seat, almost shimmering like an old holophone, a man sat, who looked so much like his mother when she was young.

“You know who I am, Ben.”

“Grandfather.”


	6. Family Relations

Kylo Ren stared at the Force ghost of his grandfather sitting in the second seat of his ship.

“Are you ready to listen?”

“Yes, Grandfather,” he pleaded. “Show me the power of the dark side.”

“There is power, but it is all from pain, none of which I want you to experience...yet you already have.”

“Why? Why are you here now?”

“You are ready to listen and to follow your own path.”

“And that is?”

“The path you choose. You are neither Jedi nor Sith. Your master is no master you need. Your knights are not your servants. You are of the Force. I was created by the Force to bring balance to the Force. You must complete what I have started. You may know darkness but deep inside there is light. Rey knows light but deep inside her is darkness. You know what it feels like for that darkness to rip through you. You can help her to avoid the pain in the dark side. She can help you rejoin the light. You cannot do this yourself, Ben. This is not weakness.”

The poor boy finally wiped tears from his face, lost for words.

“Let me tell you my story. The story of your true grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.”

Growing up, Ben had had Force visions before. They were strong, but few and far between, until they were finally quashed by his turn to the Dark side. This vision now was stronger than any he had had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s nearly 2 am, I can’t sleep, and the only thing that Force Ghost Anakin is saying in my brain is “Do a Barrel Roll.”  
> This will get updated proper later but right now my brain is fried but not falling asleep.
> 
> It’s updated proper now. Originally posted Nov 30th, updated Dec 6th.


	7. What Kylo Saw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs more Force Ghosts

Anakin Skywalker looked very much like Ben Solo, though the most similar quality was the distress he saw in his grandfather’s face. The death of Shmi Skywalker resounded through the Force Vision. Anakin’s anger and fear and suffering were overwhelming. 

There was a calm, an angel breaking through the pain. It hurt no less, but there was love to level the rage. Kylo Ren recognized the face as a queen. He had seen portraits of her in old holos that had been provided to teach him history and politics. 

 

“Padme,” his grandfather whispered.

 

The next scene displayed her in all her glory, stirring up passion in the senate. She reminded him of his mother. 

 

“Your mother is just like her mother,” his grandfather whispered. “Just like you. You have her heart. You believe that there is a better galaxy, but it is up to you to create it.”

 

They were ripped from the past and found themselves in Snoke’s throne room. 

 

“Ben, this is where you will create the new galaxy, the new order, the new Jedi. But you cannot do it on your own and you must not fear losing Rey.”

 

Padme Amidala appeared beside Anakin Skywalker. “Listen to her. Let her guide you.”

 

“Protect her.”

 

“Let her help you and protect you.”

 

“Do not go down the path she cannot follow.”

 

At that Padme looked up at Anakin with tears in her eyes. 

 

“What do I do? Where do I go next?”

 

Padme answered then, “Aggressive negotiations. There is no peace now. That is your purpose, now, to create that peace.”

 

“To bring balance to the Force.”

 

“You cannot do this on your own.”

 

“Rey,” Ben whispered. “Where is she?” He pleaded. 

 

The pair of Force Ghosts looked at each other. “I’m afraid your master already has their coordinates,” Anakin said softly, sorrow in his eyes. 

 

Rage rose in Ben’s chest. “So I have to go back to him.”

 

His grandparents disappeared from his view, leaving him floating alone. 

 


End file.
